Is there love in money?

The way individuals and families perceive their wealth has a profound impact on how money is valued and used. Money is more than just a tool for transactions — it holds different meanings for people. Understanding these differences is critical, as it affects financial outcomes and family relationships for generations to come.

Framing wealth: A critical perspective

How we think about wealth — our "wealth framework" — plays a major role in how we experience and manage it. This framework is shaped by personal values, experiences and family dynamics, which can lead to very different approaches to money. For instance, a father may view a luxury gift, such as an expensive car, as a demonstration of love and financial freedom, while his daughter may see it as an unwanted burden that creates anxiety. Without understanding each other’s perspectives, miscommunication and resentment can arise.

A survey of wealthy families conducted by Merrill (“Reframing Wealth,” Merrill, published 2016) found that people perceive wealth in strikingly different ways. It showed that 69% of respondents believed starting conversations about wealth would clarify decision-making processes, and 51% said such conversations empowered decision-makers.¹ Framing wealth intentionally, by aligning it with personal values and family goals, can improve outcomes related to spending, saving and distributions.

Generational differences in wealth perception

Generational gaps are particularly significant in how wealth is perceived. For older generations, gifts of money are often seen as expressions of love. In fact, 69% of older respondents viewed monetary gifts as expressions of love, while only half of millennials shared that view. ¹ Younger generations are more likely to question the intent behind financial gifts, with 30% of millennials perceiving gifts as a way to exert influence, compared to just 10% of respondents aged 51–69. ¹

These differences suggest that framing a gift properly — whether as an expression of love or as a tax optimization strategy — matters significantly. Without clear communication, a gift may be misunderstood, leading to resentment or confusion. A gift intended to be meaningful may instead create a rift in family relationships.

The power of communication

Communication about wealth is often seen as difficult or unnecessary, but it is key to ensuring that everyone involved understands the intent behind financial decisions. Without open conversations, family members may rely on their own assumptions about money, which can lead to misunderstandings.

Interestingly, while many older individuals find comfort in discussing wealth with their families, younger generations often feel uncomfortable or view such conversations as disrespectful. This generational divide shows the need for a thoughtful approach to family wealth conversations. The same survey found that younger respondents are more likely to associate wealth with negative emotions like guilt and confusion, compared to older generations, who tend to feel gratitude and happiness. ¹

Shifting perspectives: From silence to dialogue

One common obstacle to successful wealth management is the family’s decision to remain silent about money. Silence, however, can mask underlying tensions. For instance, a family that avoids talking about wealth may struggle with issues of fairness or unmet expectations when it comes time to divide an estate. Without communication, each family member is left to interpret financial decisions in their own way, often leading to confusion and mixed messages.

The survey revealed that a quarter of families do not communicate about money at all, and less than 25% of those who do hold discussions collaborate in decision-making. ¹ These results highlight the importance of open dialogue, which allows family members to express their views and helps prevent misunderstandings. Conversations about wealth don’t necessarily have to begin with balance sheets; rather, they can start with discussions about financial behavior, shared family values or long-term goals.

Reframing wealth for future generations

One of the most effective ways to manage family wealth is to reframe how it’s viewed. Reframing wealth means looking beyond the monetary value to understand its purpose and impact. Families can start by discussing the purpose of their wealth — whether it is to foster growth, support passions or give back to the community. This shift in thinking helps align financial decisions with a shared sense of purpose and values.

Accountability is another important factor. Both older and younger generations can benefit from discussing how wealth should be used in productive ways. Family meetings can be helpful in creating a space for everyone to share their views and participate in decision-making. 77% of survey respondents felt that wealth creators should initiate conversations about money, ¹ but many noted that the wealth creators themselves often prevent the flow of wealth-related information.

Building trust through leadership and empowerment

Leadership in family wealth conversations doesn’t have to come from professionals. While financial advisors can help guide these discussions, the role of initiating communication and setting expectations should come from within the family. 77% of respondents indicated that the wealth creator should take on the leadership role in these conversations. ¹ By leading these discussions, wealth creators can ensure that their family members are empowered to make informed decisions.

Empowering younger generations to participate in wealth discussions helps ensure continuity and responsible management of assets. Instead of focusing solely on what wealth can buy, families should look at how wealth can be used to make a positive impact. Education-based giving and philanthropy are examples where family members can collaborate to achieve meaningful outcomes.

Conclusion

Wealth is not just about financial transactions — it’s about relationships, values and legacy. By reframing wealth and focusing on communication, families can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that their financial success serves a greater purpose. The more open and intentional a family is in discussing their wealth, the more likely they are to achieve their desired outcomes, leaving a positive legacy for generations to come.